Sitting in my favorite weekend coffee shop, i realized i hadn't written a decent diary for a long while. I have been writing, to be more precise, i have been writing in a way of "keep talking".
The book i have been reading is another one by Elizabeth Gilbert. Titled as Committed, which is almost a sequel of her most renowned Eat, Pray, Love. Her own marriage memoir. Interesting and thought provoking. Realizing i am almost a bit too into this boo, i reminded myself not to use this book or the author's own perspectives as a kind of guidance. No, it should not be. But the book does broaden my perspectives and i started to look at a few things differently.
Marriage. Childless women or childless life. Love. Family. Tensions in relationships. Even travel.
My state of mind: Confusion. Passion. Struggle. I am having a kind of "Multiple Personality Disorder". Great self awareness. Brutal honesty. First-time ever self doubt "is the happiness the ultimate goal"? really, that simple?
Had a very good conversation with him over our long weekend breakfast. I asked him to describe me "an ideal picture of future life". The key elements in his picture: children (maybe one child), live in our own country, a city close to the families (like 2 to 3 hours driving) so that we can visit whenever we want, vice versa. I told him that i could perfectly imagine that, and it was exactly our life before we came to the states, except we didn't have child. It made both of us laugh. But i don't have any clear picture in my mind. I told him i am oddly but honestly confused at this stage of the life.
Had a hilarious moment at the doctor's office. It was about fertility or infertility. He is perfectly fertile. Walking out of the clinics, i texted him in the parking lot: "Your little brothers are great, in terms of both quantity and quality. Congratulations!" The problem is me. I am very healthy and quite normal, but the chance of success is statistically low among my age group. After presenting the news, the doctor kindly said "but you look incredibly young for your age. We are how we look." I said to her: "unfortunately when it comes to fertility, it is all about the eggs, which will not lie about my age. We are what the eggs can perform." Both of us bursted out laughters.
Riding the bicycle has become my favorite weekend activity. The canal trail from Washington Crossing to Lambertville; Valley Forge; Along the Schuylkill River to Manayunk. Witnesses the emergence of Spring. The breeze and sunshine, the beauty of the nature were healing to my MPD.
Gardening has been his favorite thing this season. I believe working with the dirt and vegetables is sort of meditation for him. So is golfing. He told me again today that one of the main reasons for his love of golfing is the pleasant view. I encouraged him to fully leverage the walking distance of the golf course from the home. Like before, he is never tired of recollecting his performance of each hole.
Now it is time to go out to enjoy later afternoon sunshine.
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